I’m generally a fairly positive and strong person, I think you have to be when living with a life challenging condition. But I’ve really reached the end of my tether and I don’t know how much longer I’m able to keep on top of things. I feel like crying (or screaming if I had the energy) but I know the consequences of doing so means my headaches will increase tenfold. I want to be able to scream how f&/$?d this and physically feel the emotions that validate the way I’m thinking. I know I’m being irrational in how I’m thinking but tired of waiting for specialists to make decisions, waiting because they’re away or unavailable, waiting for appointments. I know this is selfish because it’s not all about me, there’s many others who need their help just as much as me, not to mention they have a right to take time off. I just hate that is takes so much time and I hate that I’m thinking this way but I can’t help it. I want some relief, I want reason to believe all the self help things I implement really do have merit and I will feel the value of them in times to come - but I’m struggling to hold onto the drive and I’m so scared it will all be in vain if I let my guard down.
Please help, please give me some hope to hold onto that will keep me afloat until I can get the necessary treatment. I need to know I’m not alone and it will get better and I won’t feel like this forever. I hate feeling like this