I used to be so active I was a firefighter and did water rescue as well as fire police I loved going on a motorcycle ride with my husband dancing and playing with my grandkids. Now I can’t do any of it just trying to walk thru a grocery store is tiresome. There are times I feel like more of a burden then a wife, mother and grandmother. I allow myself one hour a night to cry and feel bad for myself but lately it’s been harder to keep it to that time limit. How do you all deal with the things you can no longer do?
Ouch, that touched a raw nerve in me.
Personally I have lost so much due to this journey and I HATE IT. I have rebelled against the reality of it all, pushing myself past my new (or lack of) abilities, not wanting to accept any of it. In doing so I’ve done myself more harm than good but it has gotten to a point where I really have no choice in the matter. I can keep ignoring this awful reality or ‘try’ to accept and move on. I say ‘try’ because some days that acceptance is easier than others. The reality is right there in front of me, it can’t be totally ignored, but for some pigheaded (male) reason I still attempt to push on through only to pay for it later. Others on these boards talk of acceptance and for a long time, years, I could not or would not accept. For me acceptance was like defeat and I do not like being defeated, but I had to move on. I don’t know who originally made this statement but it was said to me “If we keep looking backwards, we fall over the things right in front of us” and if I continually keep looking back at what I have lost, I’ll miss out on the joys that life presents each day.
Dealing with all of this is no walk in the park for any of us and that ‘acceptance’ bit can be a daily battle, but we really have no choice in the matter, we have to move on somehow and that is NOT easy. Knowing that there are others who are also walking this awful path has made my progression (however slow) easier. We are not alone and having others who understand and comprehend this has been a godsend for me personally. We know what it is like because we live it each and everyday.
So don’t be a stranger, come talk to us, we are all here for each other.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team
Kszabara, maybe you need to give yourself more than a hour a day. Maybe it’s time to give yourself a weekend (or something like that) to feel terrible about what has happened to you.
Part of having a chronic condition is grieving for the life you left behind.
As a random example, I’ve had migraines for 30 years, nerve damage/pain in my face for 12 years, lymph edema in my left arm for 3 years (so I can’t lift anything with that arm) and my husband died from cancer 5 years ago at the age of 51. At one point this past spring I was not doing well at all, just down and bored, and hating it. So I made an agreement with myself that as long as I went to work every day and worked all day I could stay in bed with covers over my head the rest of the time for a full week (I’m single). By Thursday I was ready to get up and get on with life. I just needed some time to do nothing but ignore what my life had become.
Now I’m good! Sometimes you just have to unplug and stop trying to be what you were and reset so you can move on.
I’m so stubborn, ( I am an Aries) and I too push myself beyond my limits I have overcome breast cancer (will be two yrs clear the end of July) having to depend on others is not one of my strong points. This is a whole new world for me and it’s nice to know I have people out there who understand