I am sure this is a tough topic to discuss and it is hard for me to write this…I had decompression surgery in 2014 but have been left with permanent nerve damage and of course I still have all of. the pre-surgery symptoms. Most days are a struggle to get through with some moments during the day where I feel somewhat normal. I am fully aware things could be SO MUCH worse for me…after all I could be paralyzed or dead, but yet for whatever reason I still tend to have thoughts of suicide creep into my head a few times a month…its like even when things are not so bad, I can get hit with a 4-5 day bout of just wanting OUT of this all and I have very little control of my thoughts and it is just not a good place to be in. But then, once it passes I can go a good month feeling positive and ready to fight this damn condition head on.
I truly feel I will never actually commit the act as it would just be an easy way out…but still the thoughts persist.
I am wondering if these thoughts are associated with this condition? In other words, is there something brainwise with our condition that pre-disposes us to these thoughts? Or, sadly…am I alone in these thoughts?
I hope to hear back from you all and I will be around as these are just thoughts…
Thank you all