Should my kids visit? And dealing with a controlling mom

I want my kids to be near the hospital so I can see them after surgery. Even if it’s just for a moment. I feel like I will need to see them after surgery for my own peace of mind.
My mom thinks it’s going to traumatize them. They’re 3 and 1.
My mom has a habit of trying to control situations and convincing you that her was is the best way and guilting you if you don’t do things her way. This is turning into one of those situations.
Sooooo now I’m doubting that I should have them visit me.
What do you guys think?
And how do you recommend I keep my mom at bay? I’ve tried being blunt with her and explaining that this is about me, not her. This is my brain and surgery. She wants to offer advice on how I should handle everything. And by offer advice I mean basically tell me my way is wrong and hers is right. I know she’s doing it from a good place in her heart and she’s just worried b/c I’m still her baby. But it’s adding a lot of stress. How can I allow her to have input, but understand that I will make all the final calls. I am 29, grown and with a family of my own. I need her to step back.

I guess I am just in an answering mood today. I was opposed to having my kids visit me at first (I have a 7, 3, and 1 year old) So I am know where you are coming from. I thought that they would have a hard time seeing me in the hospital because I wouldn't be all happy and outgoing like I used to be. We decided to let my 7yr old and 3yr old come and see me the day after surgery. Unfortunately it was the day I was in the most pain. They stayed for a few minutes. Said "Hi Mommy and I love you." I couldn't hold them or anything, because of the pain, but I did get a chance to kiss them and tell them I would be home as soon as I can." My 7 year old said that she was glad to see that I was "alright." I don't think my three year old really understood what was going on. Go with what you think is best. For me it ended up that my kids needed to see that mommy was going to be just fine. I wouldn't suggest having them there for a long can be very tiresome with visitors.

As far as your mom she going to help in the recovery? Watching the kids? Watching you? Remember that they are going through this with you, if they are involved in your care in anyway. It's a hard situation those first couple of weeks...and I had a few blow outs with my mother also.....if you can try and compromise the best you can, because you don't need the added stress while you heal. Good luck and prayers coming your way!

I agree with Beeba, maybe wait to decide when the kids should come. I puked for 2 days after surgery and my face was swollen, not a good sight for kids to see. I didn't even let my grown children come, DH took pics and after I approved of the pics he sent them. You can't change your mom, but you can control how to react to her words. When you're sick it's not the time for any confrontation, just let her rant then do what you feel is right.

Logic doesn't help much with controlling moms, but here goes.

I would guess that two things are important to her right now. First, she probably desperately wants to help, and feels that she will help better than anyone else in the universe. Second, she is probably really, really worried about you, and nothing will make her feel better short of seeing you in person, or at least being very close by.

Like others, I suggest being selfish. If your mom says she wants to help, think about what might actually help most. For me, it was having my lovely mom far, far away, because I knew that having her close by would stress my husband. I told her as much, and enlisted my aunt to help keep mom away, and though I love mom dearly, I am very happy just to be talking to her on the phone most days. If there are things which might be helpful for her to do, ask her to do them. Tell her you are being selfish, that you love her, that you know she loves you, and hope that she will do as asked.

If she confesses she needs to see you to stop worrying, ask yourself if you (and your kids, and your hubby) can deal with this, and give her the best answer you can.

Hang in there. I'm glad you can see she probably means well. Good luck dealing with her!

As for your kids, do play it by ear. Also, know that from the front, they won't be able to see the incision or the bandage, so it will mainly be the IV tubes which might be scary. I slept the whole day after surgery, barely awake, but I know I was able to give a weak smile to my hubby and to my kids when they would come in. Yes, it did make me feel good to have them there, but I didn't try to put on a performance for them. I just smiled, maybe squeezed a hand, and mumbled the word "sleep" before drifting back off again.