Wow, this is the reason I love this site. Interacting with MDs can be frustrating. I don;t know if I'm helping or hurting with the following comments but, everyone comes with a bias(MDs included), so it is probably worthwhile knowing some of our baseline biases.
A neurosurgeon makes money operating. Our clinic serves primarily as a means to support our surgical practice. Any medical management we do takes us away from our surgical management. So, many Chiari patients get stuck in the middle. A neurosurgeon is looking for surgical treatment. If they don't see it, they will send you off. However, >80% of Chari I patients never need surgery. The Chiari I is an anatomical diagnosis. The only treatment for a Chiari I is surgery. But medicine can help the symptoms. So where do you go?
In my practice, I try to make sure that every patient is seeing a neurologist as well as me, in order to confirm that they have achieved maximal medical management prior to consideration of surgery. However, finding a neurologist with expertise in Chiari symptoms is problematic. Most neurologists will be adept at treating head-aches(they may just not customize their treatment for the Chiari patient population). There is no easy answer but know you are going to see a neurosurgeon to discuss surgery and a neurologist to discuss medical management(although there may be some overlap).
In terms of MD compassion, that is just something that is a problem the world around. Yes, women tend to be more compassionate(general stereotype). So do people who work in pediatrics(me). Care to guess the residency with the lowest female %? Yes, neurosurgery. Probably for multiple reasons, not the least of which is the length of training. The average neurosurgeon completes their training >15 years after HS(4 years undergrad, 4 years med school, 6-8 years residency, + fellowship(1 year for pediatric neurosurgery)). Conversely, neurology residency is typically 3 years(difference between medical and surgical training).
Perhaps that is too much data with too little relevance but I see many patients who want me to help with medical management(and on this site, I see many people dismayed by their initial neurosurgical opinion). Remember, these are just the opinions of the MDs. It is certainly preferable to get more than 1 opinion. But, if you don't want surgery(symptoms aren't that bad, whatever reason), you should probably be seeing a neurologist, not a neurosurgeon. And before you see anyone, make sure the person answering the phone can pronounce chiari and knows what it is. If they don't, try another location. Everyone practices slightly differently. In my practice, I try to have the patients see me (and then follow up with serial MRIs to confirm stabillity in symptoms and anatomy) and neurology(again, to achieve maximial medical management).