"My Chronic Pain"
I'm not a bad person, I'm a great person with an awful condition. My condition causes me chronic pain. My pain is constant, it never goes away. And more times than not, my pain is severe.
Chronic pain rules my life!
To most in the medical world, the words "Chronic Pain" are not considered as a condition or a diagnosis, instead it's a label they attach to you and at that point, I am no longer a patient in their eyes, now I am a drug addict.
Please understand, it's not the medication I'm seeking, its relief!
Most doctors see me as broken and therefore easily discarded. My pain doesn't matter. It's not a symptom anymore, now it's a crime. I want to shout as loud as I can "HELLO!! Can anybody hear me?? I need help! Please help me.... Please don’t ignore me" I am the most important person in some people's lives. I am the Matriarch, I am the glue that is supposed to hold my family together. When I am broken, we are broken. When I am discarded, we are discarded.
When I am told that my desire for relief is criminal, that I cannot have the one thing that takes my hell away, then I am left in a purgatory of pain. And every person who loves me and stands by me, suffers with me.
You know that good ole unforgiving, unsympathetic E.R. doctor with that "here she is again" look on his face. Whispering to his colleagues "you know, the "chronic pain one..." Don't think, that I don't know, that's all I am on that clipboard you're flipping through. I know it says a lot of "medicinal trash" about me. You flip the pages and rehearse your lines about the policies regarding "Medical Standards of Practice", "Do no harm" and "The patient's best interest", blah, blah, blah...
When you pick and choose parts of these policies and use them out of context, the way that you do, they instantly become an assault on my body in their failure to treat my pain! I sit in disgust as I ponder your policies and watch you and listen to you use them against me because you think you have me all figured out and somehow I am not worthy of pain relief. And I'm trying so hard in my weakest moment to tell you that I am not a drug addict and I am not a criminal. I am not looking for a drug dealer. I am a patient and I need a doctor.
Stop taking my pain and calling it something else. Stop having your mind made up before you pull the curtain open. Please educate yourself about my condition before seeing me. Please approach my bedside with empathy and compassion for my pain, not with a label in my chart that indicates"possible drug-seeking behavior." Please remember your Hippocratic Oath.
I'm not a bad person. I am a great person with an awful condition. I don't suffer every day, I survive every day!
Chiari and Syringomyelia Survivor with 3 brain surgeries and C1 & C2 Laminectomy's under my belt (so far).