Chiari Online Support Group

How to deal with an unempathetic parent?


#1

I’m very sore and ill today but anytime I say I don’t feel good, my dad doesn’t seem to care. “Just help me with one more thing” but he keeps making me do stuff. Yesterday I held a chandelier directly over my head so that he could shorten the chain. I wanted to take a break but he wouldn’t let me. Now today, I’ve woken up with a sore upper back, a sore throat (old insulation from the ceiling kept falling on me) and I’m really nauseated. I told him how I was feeling but he continued to spray pinesol all over the house so I went outside for a bit but it’s too hot (temperature regulation issues) so now I’m in my bedroom with the door shut. I can’t smell it as bad but it’s still there. He keeps standing outside my door asking me questions and because my throat hurts I can’t speak very loudly but then he thinks I’m igoing him because he can’t hear me so I have to yell. He’s always so unempathetic. How do I make him understand? My mom said he used to spray lysol everywhere when she was pregnant and always right before it was time to eat. When she would tell him it was making her sick his response was that it can’t be that bad?? What do I do with him? Please help.


#5

I have the same problem i feel the pain and my dad is jus so nqrrow mindided…

The doc says no stress or physical work yet he finds a way to shout scream and perform as if i was normal… the best advise i can give you jus be strong take deep breaths maybe do some reading but always be possitive only you can make ypurself worse… the opperation is a big one try not to put more unnessary presure on yourself


#6

Hi Geo,
Sorry to hear the situation with your father and his behaviors are stressing you out. To be honest, I moved back in with my mother in NY to get a better neurosurgeon (on my fourth one now); and my mom has moments where she will ask me to do things, she will say “i can’t believe you forgot, how could you forget to grab this or that or do this or that”, knowing that with my chiari, I have over a dozen symptoms that have progressively worsened over the last 10 months, and my memory is highly affected, just like my concentration and focus is as well. I will remind her, I have symptoms where my memory is affected, if you have a problem with my memory, go ask a neurosurgeon why I’m having this problem. Sometimes I snap back and say it because it reminds her that she’s dealing with a daughter who is ill, struggling medically, who has hard days every day for the last 10 months.

Sometimes families are empathic and understanding; other times they are not. If you feel you can, try to have your father research the Chiari Diagnosis, research the symptoms, how it affects our mobility and functioning each day. We look fine, but we are not fine, we are suffering. Sometimes family and even friends cannot understand, will not, nor can comprehend all of this.

Stay positive, take deep breaths, journal and write out your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to do, and easy to say, but try not to let it get to you, how he is reacting is not your fault, you didn’t cause this. With my many symptoms I shouldn’t run, but I run so I can get outside, breathe fresh air, and have some quiet and peace for 30 minutes every day; I read a book each day to escape into a whole new world; I work on writing my novel; when I was in texas where my husband is stationed, I would spend time with my dogs, dogs are great for painful days, and emotionally frustrating days.

It’s hard to make family realize you are in pain, you are suffering with many symptoms, that something is wrong, esp. when you look “normal” as many will say. It’s an invisible diagnosis, but all of us who struggle with it know it’s real, you are not alone in this experience believe me. keep your head up and stay positive, hopefully things will get better in time.

:slight_smile: